there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
