Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
