I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
