I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i've created a new STD.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
