I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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