so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
