You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
