I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
