What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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