Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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