I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
