You just made me feel so damn special
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
