youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
