My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
