A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
