dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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