well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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