i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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