I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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