The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
