Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
