The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
