I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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