It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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