end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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