I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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