Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
