Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
