dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
