I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
