I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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