You work out of a Hotel?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
