Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
