people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
