I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
