Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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