I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
