He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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