Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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