yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
