So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
