Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
