i dont even know how to be here
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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