now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
