Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we made out on top of his cat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
