end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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