no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
