Your tits are I can't wait for
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
