i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dick very happy bro
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
