Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
