We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
