True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
