Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
