I accidentally had phone sex last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think i have two assholes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
