I don't usually arrange sex via text message
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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