1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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