when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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