he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Alive.
So much puke
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
