dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
