Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
