I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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