She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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